So what is that scripture really saying? The conclusion I came to may be controversial to some, it may upset others. But I really feel it's what God wants us to know about what the scripture truly means. I actually heard one of our pastors talk a little of my conclusion as well so I believe my conclusion is definitely a God thing. And even if you don't believe in the Bible, or you aren't a believer. I really believe this advice can be just as helpful to you.
So my conclusion is this, when you get married the Bible talks about becoming one flesh. So that means above all things besides God, your spouse is to come first. And why shouldn't they? You are united as one flesh. That means your kids, your friends, your family do not come before your spouse. Now I'm not saying to ignore or neglect your kids or even your family and friends. They of course are very important. What I mean (and God means) is 2 things.
1. Your spouse and marriage come before anyone or anything, meaning the nurturing of your marriage is your number one priority. If your marriage is failing or there is something wrong with your relationship, working that out, making sure there is peace and harmony in your marriage should always come first. Now that can be as little as having one on one time with your spouse or as big as needing to seek counseling. But at the end of the day, your marriage needs to be your number one priority!
2. Your spouse and marriage coming first means that no one should come between your marriage and your spouse should always choose you. Let me give you an example. A few years ago Ryan had family members decide that they didn't like me for a reason I still have yet to know. They were quite rude to me and Ryan even overheard them say very mean things about me. So after that happened, he distanced himself from them. He's forgiven them and there's no bad blood but he chose me, he put me before the family that decided disliking me and trash talking me was more important than him. You are one flesh, when someone hurts your spouse, it should hurt you as well. The same goes for friends, they should never get in between your marriage and you should always choose your spouse above a friend. A true friend and family that truly loves you will never put you in the position to choose your spouse over them anyway but if they do, you must choose your spouse or your marriage could fail. The same can be said for your kids as well, if you have young children they tend to zap all your energy and you're left at the end of the day with no energy or wanting to do anything. But if you feel your spouse needs to spend time with you or just wants to talk, give that to them. Even if I'm exhausted at the end of the day, my husband deserves my time just like my kids deserve my time. A suggestion I could make if you don't have anyone to babysit your kids and you want to spend good, quality time with your spouse. Put your kids to bed and watch a movie together, play a game or just spend some time talking. You can have date nights with your spouse even when your kids are home. And to be honest I like those dates better than actually going out and doing something.
Now lastly, I want to answer the question of why I think a lot of marriages fail. I think a lot of marriages fail because spouses put other things and people above their spouse, whether it's because their kids are the center of their marriage for so long and when the kids finally leave the house they have no idea how to be a couple or it's they've lived separate lives for so long with their own friends, their own interests that they haven't nurtured their marriage. Those things can be detrimental to you and your spouse.
Now I want to say in conclusion, I don't have a perfect marriage, marriage is not an easy road but I have a very strong marriage, I have a marriage that has been through A LOT in 8 years that most people don't go through in 20+ years. I am not perfect, I don't have a perfect husband, but our marriage is our number one priority and I really believe it's what has gotten us through all our troubles.
So just start with nurturing your marriage, putting your spouse first. Even if you start with something little, it can really do a lot for you and your spouse. :)
